I think I just really need to write, to talk to y’all.
Wether anyone reads this or not, I feel like I need to get it off my chest, y’know?
My parents are divorced, and like many other torn families my heart aches from time to time. Today especially, because my Dad (who I hadn’t seen in at least five months) decided to stop by at around 7.30am - Of course I wasn’t awake, I received a total of 12 missed calls from him, then finally after waking up countless times thinking “it’s so early what could dad want?!” I decided to call him back. “Hi dad, what’s up?” “Hi sweetheart, I’m out the front, Can I come in”
I let him in and we spoke about generic things, took photos together as he missed my twenty-first birthday, which was earlier in the week… Finally the conversation turns, and my dad is in tears; crying over all of the things he had done and the way his life turned out. I guess for you to understand that, I will have to briefly backtrack —-
- a few years ago just after my parents got separated (about 2008) my father was going through a severe state of depression; he was vulnerable, kind-hearted and had minor brain injury (from a motor bike accident in his early 20s) ….of course, he was taken advantage of by some horrible people who convinced him to do some pretty horrible stuff. Needless to say every since then he has only spoken to my Grandpa on the odd occasion and his whole family - minus my sister and I - had practically banished and disowned him. ——
My dad used to say all of the time “if only such and such didn’t MAKE me do this” ….until today. today for the first time ever, he took responsibility of his actions, he finally understood that HE did something stupid and tainted his life and future. He fought back tears as he told me of his plan to write the people he hurt the most letters (which is extremely hard for him due to the brain injury) and then found the courage to ask me to type them up for him, when they were ready so that they would be legible. On top of all of his he then also said (still in tears) that my sister and I were the only people he had and how whenever anyone asks him who to contact in case of emergency he always tells them to contact me - right then and there I had to fight every urge in my body to not just ball my eyes out.
Regardless though, I am so proud of him right now, my heart aches at his pain and I don’t know how else to help him… but for right now I think I’ll just pray that he’s going to be okay. Everyone stuffs up and I just hope it’s not too late for him to mend some of the relationships he burnt.
- sorry, I know this is jumbled and makes no sense.